Funny Quotes for New Soon to Be Dads

60 Funny Dad Quotes for Serious Laughs

By

Kate Miller-Wilson

Kate works as a fine art and portrait lensman. She's also a mom raising ii boys and sharing that experience via her writing.

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Professional Lensman

Being a dad tin be as hilarious as it is rewarding, as these funny dad quotes testify. Y'all tin can use these on greeting cards for Father's Solar day or birthdays, add them to social media posts, and share them with friends. They are sure to get a laugh.

Hilarious Quotes About Being a Dad

Nothing sums up the dad experience quite like these funny quotes:

• "Raising kids is the only job where you piece of work 24 hours a twenty-four hour period and it actually costs you money."
• "Existence a dad at bedtime is like being a designated commuter trying to get your friends to leave the bar."
• "Dad: Spider-killing superhero."
• "My kids e'er enquire me which one of them is my favorite. I don't tell them I don't actually like any of them."
• "No i wants to run into Dad trip the light fantastic, but he does it anyway."
• "Being a dad is when you realize yous tin can really like people who puke in your auto multiple times."
• "Fatherhood is all about pretending neck ties are the best gifts yous always received."
• "For the first two years, being a good dad is generally about keeping your kid from finding new and creative ways to injure himself."
• "When your kids are toddlers, they'll embarrass you constantly in the grocery store, at the doc's office, at the park, everywhere. When they're teenagers, it's Dad's turn to pay them back."
• "Nil yous can do can scare me. I raised iii daughters."
• "My daughter doesn't take whatsoever daddy issues, but I can guarantee her boyfriend will."
• "The key to being an awesome dad is aging without maturing."
• "I'g a typical overachiever. That's why I'm the dad of twins."
• "Having a chat while having children is like trying to do your taxes in an inflatable jump house."
• "Dad jokes are how I keep from crying."
• "I worked hard to become this dad bod."
• "My boss calls me dad."
• "No really. My dad jokes are proof that I'g the funniest dad alive."
• "There'due south no joy quite like the happiness that comes from embracing your kids."
• "Don't touch my car, my beer, or my daughter."
• "I know when my kids need money because that's when they express joy at my jokes."
• "Nil is funnier than people without kids telling me how tired they are."

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Funny Dad Quotes From Kids

These hilarious quotes are perfect for Father'due south Day cards and Father's Twenty-four hours gifts, but they will besides go a grinning any time of the year:

• "The older I become, the more than my dad seems to learn."
• "Dad, I wish I'd inherited your ability to fall asleep anywhere anytime."
• "It's cracking how we both know some things are true without fifty-fifty having to say it out loud - similar that I'k your favorite kid."
• "I'm smiling because I accept you as a dad. I'one thousand laughing considering you can't do anything nearly."
• "Dad, thanks for saying 'yeah' when Mom said 'no.'"
• "Dad, I have a secret. You're the best parent. Please don't tell Mom."
• "I wouldn't trade my dad for anything. Then again, no 1 has offered me anything yet."
• "My dad taught me everything he knows. That'due south why I know null."
• "Life doesn't come up with instructions, merely it does come with a dad who always answers my calls."
• "Thanks over again, Dad, for not actually killing any of the guys I dated."

Funny Quotes for Stepdads

Show your entertainment about the important stepdad in your life. These quotes are perfect for greeting cards and stepdad gifts:

• "You're not my stepdad. You're my bonus dad."
• "You're the all-time stepdad because you even so chose to marry our mom, even afterward you met us."
• "You can't scare me. I take stepkids."
• "I'm crazy enough to be a stepdad and lucky enough to be your stepdad."
• "My kids phone call my stepdad because 'partner in crime' sounds irresponsible."
• "All men were created equal, just stepdads got to level up."

Funny Dad Quotes for New Dads

If yous're attention a baby shower and need to give a new dad a gift and some advice, ane of these quotes tin can sum things up:

• "Being a dad is about creating a homo when you aren't necessarily capable of putting together a bookcase without help."
• "Fathers need to tell little white lies right from the first. They hand you something that looks like a cantankerous between Gollum and a ball of bread dough, and you look at your wife and tell her it's the virtually beautiful thing yous've e'er seen."
• "The first years with your married woman, staying up until dawn together is romantic. When you have kids, yous will want to fight her to the death to avoid being the one who sees the sunday come."
• "Being a dad ways learning how changing a mountain of diapers tin can alter your whole life."
• "I leveled up from husband to father."
• "Given the choice between a nap and anything else in the earth, a new dad will always choose a nap."
• "New dad advice: teach them to call yous "your majesty.'"
• "Pro tip: Acquire how to 'prepare' toys by removing the batteries."

Famous Hilarious Dad Quotes

Everyone from famous Victorian writers to today's funniest comics has wisdom to impart about the role of fathers. These are some of the funniest dad quotes from famous people:

• "When I was a boy of 14, my begetter was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man effectually. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the former man had learned in seven years." - Marking Twain
• "Mothers, of grade, are all right. They pay a chap's bills and don't carp him. Only fathers carp a chap and never pay his bills." - Oscar Wilde
• "To be a successful father, there'due south one accented rule: when you have a kid, don't wait at it for the first two years." - Ernest Hemingway
• "For fatherhood advice, try to expect your child in the eye… become to know their proper noun; that becomes important when you want something. And call up to feed them. That's most all you need." - Volition Ferrell
• "I gave my male parent $100 and said, 'Purchase yourself something that volition make your life easier.' Then he went out and bought a present for my mother." - Rita Rudner
• "Being a dad isn't but about eating a huge pocketbook of gummy bears equally your married woman gives birth. It ways beingness comfortable with the give-and-take 'hero.'" - Ryan Reynolds
• "I have found the best fashion to give advice to your children is to detect out what they desire and so advise them to do it." - Harry Truman
• "We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled similar a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'" - Erma Bombeck
• "You take to be adaptable because they consistently go along changing. They'll do something that blows your heed and then they'll spit all their nutrient on the rug." - Neil Patrick Harris
• "There should exist a children's vocal: 'If you're happy and you know information technology, go on information technology to yourself and let dad sleep.'" - Jim Gaffigan
• "A father carries pictures where his money used to be." - Steve Martin
• "Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there'due south a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano
• "I've been to state of war. I've raised twins. If I had a selection, I'd rather go to war." - George W. Bush
• "A father is a banker provided by nature." - French Proverb

Serious Well-nigh Dad

Sometimes, funny dad quotes are a peachy way to communicate how much you care. You can also add together more serious dad quotes that come from the middle to show an of import dad or begetter figure how much he ways to you.

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